If your shyness is severe, you may need help from a therapist or counselor, but most people can overcome it on their own. Take your first steps in getting past shyness with these 13 techniques to help you become a more confident you. There's no need to advertise your shyness.
Those who are close to you already know, and others may never even have an opportunity to notice. It's not as visible as you probably think. If others bring up your shyness, keep your tone casual. If it becomes part of a discussion, speak of it lightheartedly. If you blush when you're uncomfortable, don't equate it with shyness. Let it stand on its own: "I've always been quick to blush. Don't label yourself as shy--or as anything.
Find out more about cookies and your privacy in our policy. For some people, hanging out with a bunch of people at a party is a night well spent. For others, just the idea of it makes them want to run and hide.
We identify some causes of shyness and offer you some ideas for overcoming it. Why are some people timid in social situations, while others thrive? Overcoming shyness is possible, but it may not feel easy. Make an appointment with a GP or mental health professional , who can talk it through with you and help you to come up with a plan.
Let it remind you how much you have to offer. Shy people tend to have fewer but deeper friendships--which means your choice of friend or partner is even more important. Give your time to the people in your life who are responsive, warm, and encouraging. There are always a few people who are willing to be cruel or sarcastic if it makes for a good punch line, some who just have no sense of what's appropriate, and some who don't care whom they hurt.
Keep a healthy distance from these people. Most of us are hardest on ourselves, so make a habit of observing others without making a big deal out of it. You may find that other people are suffering from their own symptoms of insecurity and that you are not alone.
Especially when you spend a lot of time inside your own head, as shy people tend to do, it's easy to distort experiences, to think that your shyness ruined an entire event--when chances are it wasn't a big deal to anyone but you.
Shy people sometimes feel disapproval or rejection even when it isn't there. It may sound corny, but it's true. Think about what you know, what you can do, and what you have accomplished, rather than fixating on how you look, sound, or dress.
Keep in mind that everyone, even the "beautiful people," has something about themselves or their life that they don't like. There's no particular reason why your "problem" should make you shy while their "problem" doesn't make them shy. When you concentrate on this, you'll realize you have plenty to offer any group or situation. Your resources and skills are needed to improve any issue, conversation, or circumstance. Knowing this, you'll feel more inclined to speak up.
Identify your social value and strengths. Just because you're not the alpha in the room, have the most booming voice, or get the party started doesn't mean you lack social strengths. Are you a great listener? Do you have an eye for detail? It's possible it's something that's not even occurred to you, so sit back for a second. Are you better at observing than most of those around you?
Your strengths can give you an advantage. If you're a great listener, you'll probably be able to see when someone has a problem and needs to vent a little. In this circumstance, they are the one that needs you. There's nothing threatening about that situation. So ask them what's up! You noticed they're steaming at the ears a little bit -- can you lend an ear of yours? In every social group, all the roles need to be filled.
You have a place even if you don't see it. None is better than any other -- know that your value, whatever it may be, completes the group dynamic. Don't get caught up in labels. For the record, popular people aren't happy. Extroverts aren't necessarily popular or happy and shy people aren't necessarily introverts, unhappy, or cold and aloof.
Just as you don't want to be caught up in labels, don't tack them onto anyone else either. The popular kids at school are trying super hard, day in and day out, to be popular. They're trying to conform and fit in and succeeding. Good on them, but it doesn't mean they're happy or that it'll last.
Trying to emulate something that isn't as it seems won't get you anywhere. You're better off going to the beat of your own drum -- the high school drum ends, the college drum ends, and then what would you be left with?
A couple of drumsticks and a funny hat. Part 3. Get informed. If you're attending a party next week, it's a good idea to prepare yourself with a couple hot topics. Is the government shutting down again? A hot TV show finale? An international event? Read up. That way when the topic comes up in conversation, you'll be able to chip in. You're not looking to impress here with your thorough and in-depth knowledge. You're simply looking to join in. Others aren't looking to be judged or be handed opinions, so keep it light and friendly.
A simple, "Man, I wouldn't want to be in Boehner's shoes" can keep the conversation from hitting a standstill. Think of conversations in stages. Social interaction can be simplified, to a point. When you get down the basic steps and internalize them, you'll be ready to go about conversations on autopilot, which is a lot less stressful. It's small talk at its finest. Stage two are the introductions.
Stage three is finding some common ground, some topic you can both talk about. Stage four is closing, one party informing the other of their departure, and summing up, possibly exchanging information.
Here's my card -- let's chat again soon! Start a conversation. Remember that awesome project you completed? That mountain you hiked up? That illness you overcame?
If you can do all those things, this conversation will be a piece of cake. A random comment about something you two share will start it off -- "This dang bus is always late," or "Just gotta have faith that the coffee is coming!
Bossman's tie today? If someone asks you where you live, it's easy for the conversation to stop in a super-awkward, feel-like-you've-failed dead halt. Instead of replying, "Oh, cool. Warm up. If you're at a party, you can have the same exact conversation over and over and over. Hit up one or two people at a time and practice the same social pleasantries and platitudes until you've got it and are practically nauseated.
Then move back to the people you really enjoyed talking to. You can zero in on a real conversation then. Start off quickly, each conversation only lasting a few minutes. This will take the pressure off you and probably make you less nervous -- when the end is seconds away, it's not that scary. Then you can focus your time and energy on those you'd like to be friends with.
Really, it makes the most sense for your time and resources! Look and act approachable. Convey an open, friendly attitude with your body language. Make sure to keep your arms uncrossed, your head up, and your hands not preoccupied.
No one will talk to you if you're buried in a game of Candy Crush. They're just being polite! Think of the people you would want to approach. What do their bodies and faces say? Now think of the people you wouldn't want to approach. How you're sitting right now -- where does it fall on the spectrum? Smile and make eye contact. A simple smile in the direction of a stranger may brighten your day, and it will brighten theirs too! Smiling is a friendly way to acknowledge others, and it makes a pretty good lead-in to start a conversation with anyone, stranger or friend.
You're showing you're harmless, friendly, and wanting to engage. A simple look at prisoners in solitary confinement will prove that.
All of us are seeking interaction and reaffirmation. You're not imposing on their day -- you're making it more vibrant and, well, better. Think about your body. When you're in a group of people or even just one person , you'll probably get caught up in some shy thoughts.
That's normal at the beginning. If you find yourself getting anxious, ask yourself these questions: [13] X Research source Am I breathing? If you can slow your breath, your body will automatically relax. Am I relaxed? Move your body to a more comfortable position if not. Am I open? You may be taking cues from your own positioning. Opening up may change how others view you as part of the group. Part 4. Set goals for yourself.
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